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Party crashers beware! There’s a
science to maintaining manners in
the Hamptons social scene, and
Lara Shriftman cowrote the book
that’ll guide you.
AFTER 15 YEARS of planning high-profile Alist
events, Elizabeth Harrison and I have seen it
all and learned a lot—so we decided to address the
dos and don’ts of perfect party protocol in our
new book, Party Confidential: New Etiquette
for Fabulous Entertaining (St. Martin’s Press).
Social graces have gone through a major
transformation since the days of Emily Post, so
we wanted to bring people up to date on modern
decorum. We provide a fresh take on etiquette
basics and tackle timely topics like “Should you
use your BlackBerry at dinner?” and “What’s the
etiquette on email invitations?” We also wanted
to write a book that addresses all your partyrelated
questions, whether you’re a host or a
guest in today’s ambitious world of entertaining.
Everything’s covered, from how to handle unexpected
guests, pen a perfect thank-you note, and
choose a great host gift to the science of seating
arrangements for a dinner party and the etiquette
on sending invitations on Facebook
(which we did for our Denim & Diamondsthemed
book launch in the Hamptons a few
weeks ago).
For the book, we tapped some of our closest
friends to get their priceless advice. Catherine
Malandrino and Peter Som outline how to dress
for everything from the backyard barbecue to
the black-tie gala; celebs like Molly Sims share
their secrets to hosting a seamless soirée or being
the perfect guest; and well-known photographers
Tierney Gearon and Jeff Vespa chime in with tips
on how to look flawless in every photo.
After writing our first two books, Fête
Accompli! and Party Confidential, we received
many questions concerning etiquette. We
dipped into Party Confidential for some witty,
irreverent, and withering tips on dropping in
unannounced and committing fashion faux pas.
Here are two examples.
HOW DO YOU CRASH A PARTY?
There comes a time when you absolutely must be
at a particular party. No, it’s not the most respectful
move to crash a party, but let’s face it, crashing
happens. But before you decide to brazenly waltz
up to a private dinner party of six at your exboyfriend’s
house, heed this piece of advice:
There is a time and place for everything—especially
crashing parties! Big, splashy events where
you will easily blend in is the kind of party we’re
talking about. Anything smaller, so not okay!
“I am an Aussie, we crash a party and we stay
until the sun comes up.”—Hugh Jackman
“You crash a party by just showing up and looking
posh. Act like you belong there. Be sexy not
slutty and have fun! And get as many free drinks
as you can!”—Serena Williams
“You don’t. If one has not been invited, then one
shouldn’t arrive unannounced. It’s classless.”
—Michael Michele
“Couldn’t tell you. Would feel too uncomfortable
doing something like that. Only go where
you are welcome.”—Harry Morton
“Dressed hot with Christian Louboutin shoes.”
—Molly Sims
FASHION POLICE
If you do commit a style crime, the most important
thing to remember is to avoid drawing
attention to your error of dress. Your preoccupation
with it will make others zero in on it as
well. Act confidently and add self-deprecating
humor as needed.
WE LEAVE YOU WITH
THESE PARTING TIPS:
It is always safer to overdress. You
can always dress down but you can
never dress up.
Be yourself. If you hate wearing a bow
tie or tuxedo, wear your own version of
black-tie. Many men wear a gorgeous
designer black suit with a snazzy tie.
You don’t want to look like a penguin,
but this will keep your look within reason.
Being creative and yourself does
not mean the worn out cargo pants you
wear daily are acceptable.
If an invitation notes that a certain type
of dress is “preferred” or “optional,” you
can dress slightly less formally, but not
casually.
Don’t stand out. In other words, that hot
pink leopard-printed skintight gown?
Leave it in the closet. Keep it simple,
elegant and fabulous.
When the invitation notes a particular
color, like Oprah’s Black and White Ball,
that means guests should wear black or
white. Don’t decide this is the occasion
to buck the tradition and wear red.
Formal and older hosts recommend
that if you don’t want to follow the dress
code, then stay home.
Costume parties: Wear one! Don’t be
the dud in your everyday wear. Go all
out, and make the party twice the fun. |
| The complete article appears on page 118 in the July 11–July 17, 2008 issue of Hamptons. SUBSCRIBE NOW and get Hamptons delivered direct. |
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